Maury Lie Detector Meme Generator

Your mate says he's "basically a vegetarian now". Forty minutes later he's at the kebab van asking whether the chilli sauce comes in a bigger tub. Nobody needs to say anything. Everyone has already seen the card.

"I'll be there in ten minutes" is sent from the sofa, in socks, with the shower not yet run. Twenty-five minutes on, you're still saying "just parking". The sat-nav says otherwise.

Your colleague swears the report was "basically done" on Monday. On Thursday it turns out to be a title, a logo and a heading that says "Introduction". Everyone is very calm about it, in the way people are calm at funerals.

A friend announces that this year they will absolutely be going to bed before midnight. At 2.14am they are watching a documentary about bridges and sending you a link to it.

Why it caught on: the picture shows the host of the long-running American daytime talk show Maury holding a results card, the moment in the programme where a lie detector test settled an argument, usually to a roaring studio. Posters turned the scene into a verdict on any claim the real world had already disproved, so the format needed only a boast on top and a quick, deadpan correction underneath.

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Best Maury Lie Detector posts

• Your twitter bio says you're an intellectual / We have determined that is a lie
• You said you didn't want to have children / The 9 kids you have with 5 different men determined that was a lie
• You said the broncos had the best offense ever / the super bowl determined that was a lie
• You said there would be cake / The end of the game determined that was a lie
• I was told college would be the best years of my life / 3 years of severe depression and and a 30K debt determined that was a lie
• you said your hair was real not a wig / 35mph wind gust determined that was a lie
• you said the tea party doesn't care that obama is black / the lie detector determined that was a lie
• you claim to be virgin mary and have six std`s`? / OUr common sense concludes that is a lie
• libtards insist niggers are "just like us" / this is a lie
• The lie detector says... / the internet is full of lies.
• you claim my call is important to you / the 8-minute wait determined it was a lie
• Sholanda this is your 15th time on this show / 19 dna tests....what the fuck is wrong with you?
• geez i do get a lot of black people on this show
• birth control / the lie detector says you do not know what it is or what it is for
• The pRESIDENT SAID YOU CAN KEEP YOUR OWN DOCTOR / mY INSURANCE COMPANY SAID THAT WAS A lIE
• You said you dont offer 24/7 365 Day a Year Service / Your website determined that was a lie
• The equinox told us that March 20th was the start of spring / Mother Nature has determined that was a lie
• You said you don't take a lot of selfies / instagram determined that's a lie
• you said that our government is doing a good job / our lie detector determined that that was a lie!
• bullshit-detector found out / lie-detector is useless crap, because sociopaths are (emotionally) perfect liars and these devices can only measure people with a sense of guilt, where you don't need it