evil raccoon Meme Generator

The conference call is on its fourth hour. Someone says "let's take this offline," and you watch a colleague's hands come together slowly under the camera. The plan has been hatched. It involves a calendar invite.

You tell your housemate the bins are "sorted". They are not. You have a vague scheme involving the neighbour's empty bin, a dark street and a very confident walk. You will feel nothing.

The "just one episode" lie is told at 10pm and kept alive until 2am. By the third one you are no longer watching the programme. You are plotting how to get through tomorrow on four hours of sleep.

A friend asks if you want the last slice of pizza. You say "no, you have it" in the tone of a person who has already counted how many bites it takes to make it yours. They take it. You remember this.

Why it caught on: the picture shows a raccoon sitting upright in the leaves, hands clasped in front of its chest, with a wide, toothy grin and narrowed eyes. It was captioned "Evil Plotting Raccoon" and spread as an image macro, usually with a polite opening line on top and a sinister or absurd request below. The grin does all the work: any ordinary scheme, from small talk to petty revenge, looks like a master plan once the raccoon is attached to it.

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