just say / fucks it all
A My Precious Gollum post.
You spot someone you fancy at a friend's gathering and walk over with a greeting you've rehearsed for forty minutes. It comes out a full octave higher than planned, and the smile is far too keen for a Tuesday. Your flatmate's new partner turns up and you try to be welcoming. Somewhere between the handshake and the offer of tea, you say "lovely to meet you" three times. You are now the weird one in the flat. You send a message to the group chat that you thought was charming. It has a pun in it. Nobody replies for an hour, then one person sends a single thumbs-up, and you read it like a verdict. Your last slice of birthday cake is in the fridge, with your name on it, and you check on it twice before bed. A housemate asks if you're all right. You are guarding something. **Why it caught on:** the picture shows Gollum, the ring-obsessed creature from Tolkien's *The Lord of the Rings*, as he appears in Peter Jackson's films, brought to life through motion capture by Andy Serkis. His wide-eyed, grinning stare and his possessive "my precious" made him a natural face for overeager greetings, clumsy flirting and affection that goes slightly too far, and people captioned him that way.